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Death Before Birth

My trip to Townsville didn't turn out to be a very happy time. Once again, I lived in a caravan in a caravan park  There was not option to do other wise. I had my first child who was a year old. She had been spoiled by grandparents, one side more than the other. That side tried to run my life and make out that I didn't know what I was doing to raise the baby. For around the age of nine I had been taking care of other people's children.

She had a rash on her bottom. I spoke to the nurse about this and we both came to the same agreement that the baby powder was the cause. The mother-in-law would not accept that because the tin said this powder was for babies. But some people can't use any type of talc powder. This is something which runs in the family.

Just before Christmas of 1970 we had finished eating our meal. The baby was cleaned and placed in her bed out of the way while I worked. I looked around to find out why she was so quiet to find she had turned blue in the face. Not wanting to be put in the bed, she held her breath until she went limp. I tried everything to make her breathe. In the end the only way to make her breathe was turn her upside down and pat her on the back. Finally she took a deep breath. This was her attention seeking  way of having her own way when she didn't want to do something.

Around the same time I became very sick. When I went to the hospital the doctor told me I was pregnant. He did some other tests to find I had an infectious illness so I was placed in an isolation ward. My parent came to take her home with them as the father had to work. This was something I found out after the decision had been made.

For close I four months I spent in the hospital. The worst time I ever spent in a hospital. Food wouldn't stay down. They tried using a drip but that wasn't very successful and had to keep moving it to a different position. The vampire (blood technician) came most days to take blood samples. They were forever sticking needles in me.

The nights were the worst. I don't know what drugs they gave me but I had very vivid nightmares that were so real. There was this dragon type, devil beast chasing me all around the country. This went on all night until I yelled for help and the nurse came to find out what was wrong. Or went on until the dawn when it disappeared. I'd wake more tired then when I went to sleep. My whole body sore from all the imagined exercise I had during the night.

Finally, just before the end of March I began to get over the worst of the illness. I couldn't walk. Had no energy to stand on my legs. The nurses had to hold me up to learn to walk. After awhile I was fine on a flat surface but stepping up, or down, were past my energy levels. I had to sit on steps to move up or down one at a time. Lucky for me we were moving to another place. We traveled to Emerald where we booked into another caravan park.

We were there for only a few weeks when I was placed in the Emerald hospital. From there I was transported by ambulance to the Rockhampton hospital. Where I spent another few weeks and had a lot more tests. All the doctors surprised that I had carried through with my pregnancy without miscarrying. The baby was still healthy.

On a cold winter's night, I was released from the hospital to go home by train. The train arrived in the early hours of the morning and I was frozen. I felt like I'd been in the freezer. My feet burned from the cold. Collecting the car keys from the station I drove myself to the caravan park. I don't know how I drove with frozen feet and my body shaking with cold. The heater in the car didn't do much to warm me on the short drive. On arriving I left myself in switched on the heater and fell into the bed where I was cold for most of the day.

Every thing seemed to be progressing well with the pregnancy. Then I had this feeling of empty arms. I would sit on the bed and look at nothing. There was this feeling that I would never hold my baby in my arms. Then one day I started getting contractions. This was way too early. I had to drive to the station to collect my husband from work. We went home and I collected a few thing to go to the hospital. Within a matter of a couple the waiting was over. With no one but the doctor and nurse there with me the baby was born. But he never had a chance to take a breath. He had been dead for a day or so before the contractions began.

The body was quickly whisked away before the doctor told me my son didn't make it. That is something that has stayed with me over the years. I was sad because I'd heard other families were allowed to see the baby. But was there something wrong that would have been far worse to see and that memory would have haunted me for the rest of my life. I have never forgotten him. The small white coffin which was lowered into the ground with only his father and mother present.

With each step back, you take a few steps forward to meet the next catastrophe that will knock you for a six. You just stand and keep moving forward until you have past through the sand to stand on firm ground. Don;t let the darker side of the bad experiences take over your life.

Look on eBay for the craft work I have there for sale. Crocheted work. Just search for Move862

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