Leoni Saunders suffered a great loss.
The baby which should have been hers to have. Hold. Keep for her very own for many years never made his way into her life. He had died before he was born. Never had a chance to breathe the air on this earth before he was taken away from her. She mourned her loss alone. Her husband had been killed in the car accident. The same accident which had caused Leoni to loose her precious son before she had a chance to hold him. Deep pain within left a massive hole in her life. An empty hole. One where her heart should be full of love for her husband, and son. She had nothing left of her once happy life.
Depression began to set in wit a vengeance.
No longer was she able to be surrounded by her friends, and family.
They didn't understand her loss. She was drowning in their sympathy. There had to be a way to deal with her empty life. Her family had been wiped out. Sitting around the house pinning away dragged her deeper into a hole deeper than the Grand Canyon. To let her depression fester. To grow out of her control. This was the wrong path for her life to travel.
“It isn't your time,” echoed a softly spoken voice, while she slept. “You have to do something to regain happiness in your life.”
“I can't. I don't know how to accomplish this on my own. I want my family back,” Leoni pleaded with the voice, twisting around in her bed.
“Of course you can. You have to search out the right answer for you,” persisted the voice.
“How will I know which is the right path. I am so lost.”
“You will know when you begin your search. Begin with your soul. You will find the way.”
“Begin with my soul,” kept rolling through her mind, while the nightmare took her through all the pain for the past few months.
The sun streamed through her window to wake her to a new day. Opening her tired eyes, she blinked. Groaned. Her body had not received the rest it required to heal her back to health. Throwing back the covers, she got out of the bed, staggered through to the bathroom. She slid back the glass door to turn on the taps. She stepped beneath the warm spray of water. She stood directly beneath the spray to wash away the ache from her muscles. Washed her hair. Leoni kept scrubbing her body until she remembered she had to do something, this morning. Once the warm water ran cold to shock her body, she turned off the taps. She wrapped her hair in one towel. Dried her body with a yellow towel.
Yellow bath towel. She didn't own a yellow bath towel. Where had it come from. She was positive there had been a different coloured towel in the bathroom last night. How was it possible they were yellow this morning. Being the only person in the house. How had the change happened.
Leoni stood in front of the bathroom mirror blow drying her hair. Parts of the nightmare played through her mind. She searched for a sign. What was she suppose to do. She decided she wasn't going to sit around because her world had ended. She had to build a new life. The old life had to be lain to rest. Her memories to be kept in her heart. To be taken out when she needed the strength to move forward. They wouldn't want her to not move on. If, she could remember what she was suppose to do.
Leoni lent against the kitchen cupboard to wait for the kettle to boil. She had place her mug ready to make her coffee. The radio played in the background filling the house with noise. There was a feeling she wasn't the only person in the house. Not that there was anyone she was able to see. Her mind drifted off in search of what she couldn't find in the maze of her thoughts.
“Now. I'm going to play some blues music to warm up your soul. To clear away the cobwebs from your head to start this wonderful day,” said the chirpy announcer. “I'll play more up beat to have your toes tapping. Your heart singing. Your soul searching to have you moving to a new adventure.”
Turning off the kettle, Leoni made her coffee then went to sit at the table. Her mind searched. Dazed, she sipped her coffee. There was a thought at the back of her mind but it wouldn't surface. She stood to wash her cup at the sink. Left it to drain. Walked toward the room she had prepared for her son. So far, she hadn't been able to remove the items from the room. Now, she needed to dispose of them to keep her sane.
Leoni took the photograph of her late husband from the cupboard. She carried it to the bean bag in the corner of the room where she sat to think. She placed the photo on the floor. Making herself comfortable, she closed her eyes to concentrate. She had never done this before. Didn't know why she had chosen, today, to start. There were a few changes in her day since she had woken. Why was she doing these strange things. What had possessed her to come into this room. This she'd used as her grieving room. Maybe, today, she will be set free from grieving to move forward with her life.
“Open your eyes,” ordered the voice from her nightmare. “Look into the eyes of the photo. Search your soul. Cleanse your body.”
Leoni slowly opened her dazed eyes to stare into the eyes of her late husband. Taking, deep, slow breaths, her body began to warm. Tingle, from her head to her toes. The roar of the ocean echoed in her ears. Soft music sounded in the room. “Your clothes. Take off your clothes,” echoed from the mist rising before her eyes. Rising in a dazed state she began removing her clothes. Naked. Her body was lifted to be gently placed on the bean bag.
Hands gently stroked their way over her face. Down her neck to find her breasts. The fingers circled, and manipulated, causing the nub to harden with desire. Leoni's body was on fire with passion. The tantalising fingers moved from her breasts to circle her navel. A red haze crossed her eyes. Her body writhed from the sensations the fingers were causing. Her breasts tingled like they did when her husband made love to her. The way he kissed her. Suckled her.
The fingers moved down her legs to her toes to tickle her feet before parting her legs. Her legs were pushed apart opening her up to the person making love to her body. She believed she'd explode with passion. Such a passion. Only her husband had made her experience such passion. From the mist came the weight of the body which covered her. She was being kissed while the hands moved over her body stroking the fires of passion higher. Higher.
“Please love me. I can't wait much longer,” she cried, between her ragged breaths, trying to hold longer to the passion before she went over the edge.
Her body was entered. Slowly. Waiting for her to take him with her into her roaring fire of love. He surged into her. Leoni wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him closer to her heat. He drove faster. Faster. She cried out when their passion reached the highest peak to then tumble slowly back to earth on a cloud. Twice more she had been raised to the highest peak of passion before she rested. Her body sated. Relaxed. Exhausted. She rolled over on her side on the bean bag to drift into a deep slumber. To dream.
Several hours later, she woke to find she was naked. Her clothes were scattered around the floor of the room. She couldn't think clearly. Her mind full of dreams. She came back to reality with a thump. She looked at the clock on the wall. Surprise crossed her face. Much time had past since she had walked into the room. The day was nearly over and she hadn't eaten breakfast. Her body was sore. She felt at peace. The clouds had been removed from her horizon. Today, was to be the start of her new life.
Leoni showered. Dressed. Hummed a happy tune. She went to the kitchen to make a meal. For the first time in months, she took an interest in her life, and well-being. She began to live. Associate with her family, and friends. She thought of looking for a job to keep her busy. Her life, now, organised.
Leoni woke. She was about to bounce from her bed when her stomach rebelled at the action. It took umbrage at the movement. She made a mad dash for the toilet to be sick. Knelt on the floor with her head hanging over the toilet bowel. Retching until she had no strength left. Grabbing a wet face washer from the bathroom, she made her way back to her bed. Placed the washer over her forehead before going to sleep. On waking she felt much better. Until the next morning when it happened again.
Leoni went to her doctor. She was examined. Tests taken. The doctor told her to go sit in the waiting room for the results. She couldn't sit still. She paced. Sat. Her thoughts in turmoil. She had just stood to pace, again, when the nurse came to collect her to see the doctor.
“I have some good news for you.” The doctor looked at the sheet of paper in her hand to make sure she had read the information, correctly. “You're in good shape. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“You mean I have a simple virus.”
“Ah. I don't think you can call it a virus.” The happy smile faded from Leoni's face. “I will say congratulations are in order.”
“Why. What do I have. A cold. Some germ.”
“You are pregnant.”
“What?” Leoni stood from her chair. Shock had made her yell in disbelief.
“I'm. How. Can't.” She collapsed to the floor.
The photo is of a doll which looks so life like. I took it when I visited a market a couple of weeks ago.